Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, Updated Edition
George J. Thompson
"When you react, the event controls you. When you respond, you're in control."
Verbal Judo is the classic guide to the martial art of the mind and mouth that can help you defuse confrontations and generate cooperation, whether you're talking to a boss, a spouse, or even a teenager. For more than a generation, Dr. George J. Thompson's essential handbook has taught people how to communicate more confidently and persuasively in any situation. Verbal Judo shows you how to listen and speak more effectively, engage others through empathy (the most powerful word in the English language), avoid the most common conversational disasters, and use proven strategies to successfully express your point of view—and take the lead in most disputes.
This updated edition includes a new foreword and a chapter featuring Dr. Thompson's five universal truths of "human interaction":
- People feel the need to be respected
- People would rather be asked than be told
- People have a desire to know why
- People prefer to have options over threats
- People want to have a second chance
Stop being frustrated and misunderstood. Stop finding yourself on the losing end of an argument. With Verbal Judo you’ll be able to have your say—and say what you mean.
are continually serving as a conduit. Keep tracing that figure eight and soon you’ll see that you, the star, are virtually obliterated by your representational job. Now draw an arrow between the circle and the square and you have a figure eight with an arrow driven through the middle. That is the essence of representation: the ability to represent the spirit of your organization, its goods, its goals, its produce, its policies, its philosophy. It is that philosophy that you must fully know and
chapter I want to review the importance of each of these tools. Each is distinct. Anytime you communicate with anyone, you’re using one or more of these, not necessarily in any particular order. So, though I have fit them into the acronym for easier remembering, I don’t want you to think of them as sequential. Rather, think of them as ongoing, changing skills you must use to be effective with people, especially those under pressure. Let’s take them one at a time. LISTEN When you listen
banker, an executive, a salesperson, or a service employee—you become more human when I know your name. And don’t just offer it mechanically. It shouldn’t be “Hi! I’m Stacey and I’ll be your waitress.” Slow it down. Give it some weight, some sincerity. And how about something unique? Set yourself apart. Surely management doesn’t expect you to be a robot, just like everyone else on the floor. The formulas they give you are principles, frameworks on which you should hang your own personality. I’d
physical conflict. Power is knowledge in action. If you put to work the knowledge contained in this book, you will develop the power to stay calm and to achieve self-esteem when others expect you to stumble. That is the subtle power to get what you want without being obvious about it. If your technique is too obvious, people sense you are trying to manipulate them, and you’ll fail for sure. The man who has mastered an art reveals it in his every action. I’ve lived Verbal Judo now for nearly two
them carry the day, and you will be seen as a successful leader. 24. Men are like steel; when they lose their temper, they are useless. Fine-tempered steel has strength. Steel that lacks temper breaks under stress. This is another principle that goes back to the samurai. 25. When your mouth opens, your ears slam shut. Too many people think leadership has to do with talking. But great leadership has more to do with listening. When you’re talking, you cannot listen. Listening is a highly active,